wake up time

[cardinalsinned]

[ This is probably the second worst way to wake up, in a hospital bed with Juan there watching. ]

What... happened to me?

Comments

[cardinalsinned]

[ I'm going to push you over if you keep this up ]

You've given me little reason to.

[foundjuanting]

That is a wretched cycle, is it not? You give me no trust, so I do not put the faith in you to be trustworthy.

[KITCHEN GET, now time to look for more wine.]

[cardinalsinned]

I give you trust and you throw it in my face. I needed you earlier and you ran. What sort of brother does that?

[ Yeah, good luck with that ]

[foundjuanting]

You called me the type of man that would prey on you. That insult does not pass quickly.

[Shh shh, he can do this]

[cardinalsinned]

... And I may have been wrong to say so.

[ Let's take a second to appreciate how much that just cost him ]

[foundjuanting]

Then consider it forgiven.

[There's a little something in his tone though, still a bit of hurt]

[cardinalsinned]

You would let it go so easily?

[foundjuanting]

No, but what choice do I have? I have learned that there is little I can do to change what goes on between us.

[Once out of sight, grinding up pills and taking them with wine go]

[cardinalsinned]

Only when you make no effort. I was wrong to call you a predator, but you were wrong to leave me when I needed you.

[foundjuanting]

[Coming back with the bottle and the cup]

You would have done the same to me. Now leave me, I would enjoy this wine without the sour taste you bring to it.

[cardinalsinned]

Fine. Do us a favor and drown in it.

[ Leaving to go back Picasso's stuff ]

[foundjuanting]

[HA HA SO. ABOUT THAT

By which I mean LATER, AT THE HOSPITAL]

[cardinalsinned]

[ You can probably feel the judging before he even gets in the room ]

[foundjuanting]

Come in, I know you've been waiting to have words with me

[cardinalsinned]

Is there such thing anymore? I can only talk at you, none of my words seem to get through.

[foundjuanting]

I believe you were the one who admitted that you would never abide by our previous agreement.

[cardinalsinned]

It seems neither of us could. But I would say you've taken the worst of it.

[foundjuanting]

There are a number of ways to view what you've said, Cesare.

[cardinalsinned]

Indulge me. If talking will not work, perhaps I will listen.

[foundjuanting]

I have reservations about your words. Are you giving ground or merely hiding an insult underneath? It could be either. I do know this, that our previous efforts at reconciliation have failed, and you act as though you would have no interest in trying them again. I am tired of these constant trials that end only in nothing when all the debris has been swept away. This provides peace and it has become abundantly clear that I will get none otherwise at this time. My brother frets, and you seethe, but I will not keep fighting a battle that holds no gain for the family or me.

[cardinalsinned]

You have made few gestures of your own to reconcile what we are and what we've done. But this isn't about blame and who holds more of it.

[ He sighs heavily and takes a seat facing Juan ]

I miss my brother. The one who used to climb into my bed at night just to feel safe. The one who worked to the same ends I did. The man I killed bears him little resemblance. And the longer we walk the paths of separate men the less you will look like him. As I'm sure I will look less like the brother you once looked up to.

[foundjuanting]

[going quiet for almost too long, really]

Some time ago, I can barely remember now, I spoke with our brother of family duty. I asked if the Borgia name held more value, or the happiness of the family members themselves. At the time both he and I came to the agreement that since our legacy was secured and our name would not die, we could live as we wished and forge our own destinies.

...I wonder at how I've changed so much in so little time. I wonder if the papacy of our father was worth it all. Both of us were born and guided by his hand to suit the path he cut for us, but... but what if his plans had not come to pass? I can not imagine myself in any other role than a soldier, and there would have been no armies for you to have conspire to lead, but what is the greater price our family has paid? On the days our father sat in conclave, our family stood at a crossroads that few of us truly saw.

On one trail we could have let matters lie, and we would have to live in a world where all our plans had been thrown into chaos. Our father would be devastated, perhaps even wrathful, but I do not doubt that he would begin more plans anew, and see what could be salvaged and saved. On the other was the path we chose, the well-trod route that we had practiced for in all our years. But we did not know how it would tax us, and we were blind and dumb to the extent of the change it would bring... or perhaps simply I was. I remember our mothers' concern.

[A bit of a derisive laugh]

Perhaps we should have heeded it.

[cardinalsinned]

There are many things we can see now that we could not see then. And there is no use in dwelling on a past we cannot change.

Perhaps that is the issue. We are both stuck in different worlds. I am concerned with the future for those who I return to, you are concerned with the past we have already left behind.

[foundjuanting]

So it could be, but I would ask your advice on how I can look towards the future I have left as well.

[cardinalsinned]

Slowly. I wish to lay out a list of things I no longer wish to speak to you about, and in return I would extend you the same privilege.