wake up time

[cardinalsinned]

[ This is probably the second worst way to wake up, in a hospital bed with Juan there watching. ]

What... happened to me?

Comments

[cardinalsinned]

It seems neither of us could. But I would say you've taken the worst of it.

[foundjuanting]

There are a number of ways to view what you've said, Cesare.

[cardinalsinned]

Indulge me. If talking will not work, perhaps I will listen.

[foundjuanting]

I have reservations about your words. Are you giving ground or merely hiding an insult underneath? It could be either. I do know this, that our previous efforts at reconciliation have failed, and you act as though you would have no interest in trying them again. I am tired of these constant trials that end only in nothing when all the debris has been swept away. This provides peace and it has become abundantly clear that I will get none otherwise at this time. My brother frets, and you seethe, but I will not keep fighting a battle that holds no gain for the family or me.

[cardinalsinned]

You have made few gestures of your own to reconcile what we are and what we've done. But this isn't about blame and who holds more of it.

[ He sighs heavily and takes a seat facing Juan ]

I miss my brother. The one who used to climb into my bed at night just to feel safe. The one who worked to the same ends I did. The man I killed bears him little resemblance. And the longer we walk the paths of separate men the less you will look like him. As I'm sure I will look less like the brother you once looked up to.

[foundjuanting]

[going quiet for almost too long, really]

Some time ago, I can barely remember now, I spoke with our brother of family duty. I asked if the Borgia name held more value, or the happiness of the family members themselves. At the time both he and I came to the agreement that since our legacy was secured and our name would not die, we could live as we wished and forge our own destinies.

...I wonder at how I've changed so much in so little time. I wonder if the papacy of our father was worth it all. Both of us were born and guided by his hand to suit the path he cut for us, but... but what if his plans had not come to pass? I can not imagine myself in any other role than a soldier, and there would have been no armies for you to have conspire to lead, but what is the greater price our family has paid? On the days our father sat in conclave, our family stood at a crossroads that few of us truly saw.

On one trail we could have let matters lie, and we would have to live in a world where all our plans had been thrown into chaos. Our father would be devastated, perhaps even wrathful, but I do not doubt that he would begin more plans anew, and see what could be salvaged and saved. On the other was the path we chose, the well-trod route that we had practiced for in all our years. But we did not know how it would tax us, and we were blind and dumb to the extent of the change it would bring... or perhaps simply I was. I remember our mothers' concern.

[A bit of a derisive laugh]

Perhaps we should have heeded it.

[cardinalsinned]

There are many things we can see now that we could not see then. And there is no use in dwelling on a past we cannot change.

Perhaps that is the issue. We are both stuck in different worlds. I am concerned with the future for those who I return to, you are concerned with the past we have already left behind.

[foundjuanting]

So it could be, but I would ask your advice on how I can look towards the future I have left as well.

[cardinalsinned]

Slowly. I wish to lay out a list of things I no longer wish to speak to you about, and in return I would extend you the same privilege.

[foundjuanting]

[Oh god, here it comes]

[cardinalsinned]

... Do you agree?

[foundjuanting]

... I would hear them, first.

[cardinalsinned]

I do not wish to discuss your death any further at this time.

[foundjuanting]

... and?

[cardinalsinned]

And I would hear what you would ask from me in exchange.

[foundjuanting]

For such a request, you know the only thing that I have to compare.

[cardinalsinned]

I do not wish to assume with you, not anymore.

[foundjuanting]

Then I will speak plainly. I have been wronged and the one who performed the act wishes to quiet my words about it. I will assume that you will next request that we do not speak of december, then of your actions about Forli, and then finally of the nun. Perhaps there are more. You are trying to bargin away your guilt, and while I would give you the nun, the others still need to be spoken about, though not in they ways we have spoken of them.

But if you want a trade in kind, I would tell you that what we never speak of again is what has placed me here.

[cardinalsinned]

Only one of those you name is one I would remove from our talks. But I suppose I might hold my silence on your... habits in exchange for no longer hearing about your death.

Perhaps we should start there for today and discuss more later.

[ He is already starting to regret this ]

[foundjuanting]

Before you go, I would know which of those you would include.

[cardinalsinned]

[ Urge to troll rising ]

Which do you think?

[foundjuanting]

December.

[Look at this faaais. This is the face of a puppy afraid he's going to be kicked]

[cardinalsinned]

Proof once again that you do not know my mind well.

[foundjuanting]

For once I am glad that I am wrong. Is it Forli?

[cardinalsinned]

You are pushing what little luck you have.