wake up time

[cardinalsinned]

[ This is probably the second worst way to wake up, in a hospital bed with Juan there watching. ]

What... happened to me?

Comments

[maleborgia]

*no, this is your punishment. :| *

Truthfully, I would like that as well.

[foundjuanting]

I have given this up before for the assurance that our brother would try to improve the matter between us, but he long ago admitted that he would do no such thing. I have held my tongue, tried to make amends, but still there is no change, and last night he declared me to be a preditor of my family.

[maleborgia]

I understand. You have tried to fix things for some time now.

[foundjuanting]

So this is a way to fix matters where I can not.

[maleborgia]

Am I not your brother as well? Do not tell him this: I am ashamed of what may come to pass.

[foundjuanting]

What do you mean?

[maleborgia]

I am concerned for your health and our relationship. I do not want this mistrust between us.

[foundjuanting]

It is hard not to be mistrustful, you are cold brother, perhaps even more so than the other one here.

[maleborgia]

It is in my nature, then. Try not to hold it against me.

[foundjuanting]

Only if you do not hold what I have done against me.

[maleborgia]

This is not your nature; this is a poison.

[foundjuanting]

Are you so sure?

I was speaking of what brought on this matter. Am I truly a... debaser of brothers?

[maleborgia]

Juan, I've seen what happened. He's just as guilty of anything as you are. Furthermore, he has shown interest in both a nun and our younger sister. Some days the only thing I think he is good for is to show me how not to act. You are still my brother--he is a shadow I would sooner break from.

[foundjuanting]

Though I have my doubts, our brother's acts towards our sister still have not crossed that line, and his words would say that he still only feels for her in that way... I hope.

...And as dark as his soul is, he is still my brother. You are both reflections of each other, each looking at the other through the glass. To him you no doubt are the shadow, to be tolerated until you become like him. But the matter is simple, if you are both reflections, it is more as though the glass is warped on both sides. The Cesare I know is a man who is enfolded within himself, he is one man to my father, one man to me, and one man to Lucrezia. His is furthermore a different man to his enemies and a even further still to his allies. I suspect that the Cesare I have seen can break himself down a thousand times and wear as many masks. If it is so easy for a Cesare to break away from the man who he was moments before in his own skin, then why is it such a struggle when that other man has a form of his own?

[maleborgia]

There are two kinds of breaking, as you have just pointed out yourself. There is the act of becoming different, whether for our father's viewing or our sister's or for my own in contrast to him. Then there is also the fact that we are tied together in association and name, as even you have just referred to us both as images of the same form.

[foundjuanting]

Though you are tied together by that and you share parts of your character, you are still different from each other. Think of your horse, is he the same as any other steed of his like, or is he not first himself and then a member of his breed.

[maleborgia]

*pause, then leaning forward*

There, that is the kind of answer I would like to hear more of. This is why I want to speak with you and not the drugs, this is my brother's voice.

[foundjuanting]

[shaking his head a little]

Your brothers' voice was speaking through them as well, they do not rule me.

[maleborgia]

It was muffled and harder to hear.

[foundjuanting]

Was it truly? I could understand you well enough.

[maleborgia]

I don't think that challenges my point.

[foundjuanting]

Then I would ask where you could not hear me.

[maleborgia]

I wonder if it is just that it is hard for you to notice this when you are the one under the influence, but it is difficult to carry on a conversation with you.

[foundjuanting]

I had not noticed, how is that so?

[maleborgia]

How do you think? Imagine having a conversation with a man who has been drinking, when you yourself are dry.