wake up time

[cardinalsinned]

[ This is probably the second worst way to wake up, in a hospital bed with Juan there watching. ]

What... happened to me?

Comments

[foundjuanting]

I believe five, I may be miscounting.

[maleborgia]

And I would not see you here a sixth time. Enough of this! Let us find another way.

[foundjuanting]

What do you suggest brother? I stayed by my terms and longer.

[maleborgia]

Obviously simply giving it up is not enough. You told me last night about what you feel when you use it, and I can see that if you cannot have it you grasp around for something else to fill that need. The problem then becomes finding something that is satisfactory if not pleasing to you and that also does not endanger your health.

[foundjuanting]

I would have something without the risk as well, but all that I have read about carry these risks, and I do not see the alternative coming to pass. It was tried before, and it only resulted in failure of the highest sort.

[maleborgia]

I think you are looking at this from too narrow a perspective. If nothing else, remember that we are in a place with far different available materials than normal.

[foundjuanting]

Fine! Then tell me what you would suggest!

[maleborgia]

*calm*

I don't have a suggestion, Juan. I am here to come up with and discuss alternatives with you.

[foundjuanting]

...if our family were more in order, it would distract me from other interests. However our brother will not even entertain the notion.

[maleborgia]

What do you mean by in order?

[foundjuanting]

[Don't make me say it bro]

More...amicable days between us all.

[maleborgia]

*no, this is your punishment. :| *

Truthfully, I would like that as well.

[foundjuanting]

I have given this up before for the assurance that our brother would try to improve the matter between us, but he long ago admitted that he would do no such thing. I have held my tongue, tried to make amends, but still there is no change, and last night he declared me to be a preditor of my family.

[maleborgia]

I understand. You have tried to fix things for some time now.

[foundjuanting]

So this is a way to fix matters where I can not.

[maleborgia]

Am I not your brother as well? Do not tell him this: I am ashamed of what may come to pass.

[foundjuanting]

What do you mean?

[maleborgia]

I am concerned for your health and our relationship. I do not want this mistrust between us.

[foundjuanting]

It is hard not to be mistrustful, you are cold brother, perhaps even more so than the other one here.

[maleborgia]

It is in my nature, then. Try not to hold it against me.

[foundjuanting]

Only if you do not hold what I have done against me.

[maleborgia]

This is not your nature; this is a poison.

[foundjuanting]

Are you so sure?

I was speaking of what brought on this matter. Am I truly a... debaser of brothers?

[maleborgia]

Juan, I've seen what happened. He's just as guilty of anything as you are. Furthermore, he has shown interest in both a nun and our younger sister. Some days the only thing I think he is good for is to show me how not to act. You are still my brother--he is a shadow I would sooner break from.

[foundjuanting]

Though I have my doubts, our brother's acts towards our sister still have not crossed that line, and his words would say that he still only feels for her in that way... I hope.

...And as dark as his soul is, he is still my brother. You are both reflections of each other, each looking at the other through the glass. To him you no doubt are the shadow, to be tolerated until you become like him. But the matter is simple, if you are both reflections, it is more as though the glass is warped on both sides. The Cesare I know is a man who is enfolded within himself, he is one man to my father, one man to me, and one man to Lucrezia. His is furthermore a different man to his enemies and a even further still to his allies. I suspect that the Cesare I have seen can break himself down a thousand times and wear as many masks. If it is so easy for a Cesare to break away from the man who he was moments before in his own skin, then why is it such a struggle when that other man has a form of his own?